Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Couch. On fire.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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