you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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