my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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