As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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