fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
