So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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