I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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