he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
