Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
