Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
