used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
