i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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