It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i came on her dog
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
