saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Four minutes until I can fart!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
