i don't like sucking hair
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
