he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
