I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
