Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
