If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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