So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
