Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
