i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
