I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
