i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
