so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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