she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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