hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
