We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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