this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
