ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
