you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
