What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
