I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
