Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
