nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
