I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
