Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
