You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
