She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
