i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
