We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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