Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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