If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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