you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
