The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
