On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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