then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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