Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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