You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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