I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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