This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
