it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
