to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
