I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
