im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We talked him into tasing himself.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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