i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we're making bets on your personal life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
